Why the Holidays Feel Hard: A Trauma-Informed Guide to Staying in Your Window of Tolerance
“If this season feels heavy, you’re not alone. December activates old patterns, tender places, and survival responses — and your nervous system is doing its best to keep you safe”
December carries a certain kind of pressure — the pace quickens, expectations rise, family patterns become louder, and nervous systems that were already stretched thin suddenly find themselves working overtime.
At Spear Wellness, we see this every year: clients wondering why a season that’s “supposed” to feel joyful often brings overwhelm, irritability, exhaustion, and emotional triggers.
If this is you, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means your nervous system is responding exactly as it was built to respond.
In this month’s blog, we’re taking a trauma-informed look at why December is activating, how to understand your Window of Tolerance, and what you can do to stay grounded, connected, and regulated during a stressful season.
Why December is So Triggering - Even When Life Is Going Well
The holidays place unique demands on the body and mind:
1. Emotional Load: Old patterns, unresolved dynamics, grief, unmet needs, and childhood roles tend to resurface in family settings.
Even as adults, our nervous systems remember.
2. Overstimulation: Noise, crowds, travel, disrupted routines, and sensory overload can easily push the system toward dysregulation.
3. Perfectionism & Pressure
“This should be magical.”
“I need to make everyone happy.”
“I should be doing more.”
These internal beliefs activate the stress response and drain capacity quickly.
4. Burnout & Year-End Fatigue: Cortisol reserves are often depleted by December. The holidays ask for energy that many people simply do not have.
5. Financial Stress: Money conversations, gift expectations, and year-end expenses activate feelings of scarcity, shame, or comparison — all of which are deeply tied to survival responses.
None of this means something is “wrong” with you.
It means the season places extra weight on a system that may already be working hard.
A Simple, Trauma-Informed Look at the Window of Tolerance
Your Window of Tolerance is the bandwidth where you can feel, think, and respond without becoming overwhelmed.
When you’re inside your window, you’re connected to:
Presence
Emotional steadiness
Flexibility
Curiosity
Access to coping skills
When stress exceeds your capacity, the system shifts into protection:
Hyperarousal (Fight / Flight)
Irritability
Anxiety
Racing thoughts
Urgency
Sensitivity to noise or demands
Feeling like you have to “fix” or “perform”
Hypoarousal (Freeze / Shutdown)
Fatigue
Numbness
Disconnection
Trouble speaking or focusing
Feeling overwhelmed and wanting to withdraw
In a season that demands more capacity than usual, it makes sense that your window may feel smaller.
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re not “dramatic.”
You’re not “failing at the holidays.”
You’re human — and your nervous system is doing its job.
How to Stay in — or Return to — Your Window of Tolerance This Month
These are simple, clinically informed tools you can use throughout December.
You don’t need to do all of them — choose what feels doable and gentle.
1. Choose “Good Enough” - Perfection is dysregulating.
“Good enough” creates safety.
It’s okay to simplify traditions, gatherings, or expectations this year.
2. Build Micro-Moments of Regulation - Your system doesn't need an hour to reset. It needs 10–30 seconds of:
Slow exhale
Hand on heart
Feeling your feet on the ground
Brief orienting (look around the room and name 3 things)
Tiny repairs make big differences.
3. Set Boundaries Before You Need Them - Examples:
“I can stay for one hour.”
“I’m not able to discuss that topic.”
“I need a few minutes of quiet — I’ll be back shortly.”
Boundaries are not walls. They are nervous system care.
4. Notice Your Body’s Early Cues: Ask yourself throughout the day:
Am I speeding up?
Am I shutting down?
What do I need right now?
Early awareness prevents overwhelm.
5. Reduce Emotional Multitasking: You don’t have to hold everything at once. Prioritize what actually matters for you and let the rest be flexible.
6. Create a Plan for Triggering Situations - A few ideas:
Have a grounding object in your pocket
Step outside for fresh air
Excuse yourself to the washroom for a few calming breaths
Use bilateral stimulation (gentle tapping left/right) to reorient
These tools help bring the system back online.
7. Practice Self-Compassion, Not Self-Correction: Your nervous system is not an inconvenience - it’s a protector. Treat it gently this month.
If You’re Struggling This December
You’re not alone, and you’re not broken.
The holidays can activate old wounds, grief, relational trauma, and survival responses we didn’t choose — and yet, they show up anyway.
Healing doesn’t mean nothing triggers you.
It means you’re learning to recognize when you’re outside your window, and you’re learning how to come back.
This work is brave.
And it matters.
At Spear Wellness, we're here to support you with:
Trauma-Informed Psychotherapy for Individuals and Couples
EMDR therapy
Somatic approaches to regulation
Non-Invasive Vagus Nerve Stimulation
Transformational Coaching
Registered Massage Therapy
Holistic Nutrition Support
ADHD Coaching
Neurofeedback
Breathwork & Community Circles
A Soft Closing for the Season
May this December bring you permission to slow down, choose what matters, and honour your limits.
May you treat your nervous system with tenderness, not judgment.
And may you feel even a small shift toward safety — inside yourself, and in your relationships.
We’re wishing you warmth, grounding, and gentleness this holiday season.
You deserve that and more.